Figuring out who you are while also trying to figure out the world is extremely difficult. I get where your head was at when you took that job in Chicago. You don’t have to explain yourself mother, although I do love hearing the story from your perspective—I’ve never heard this version before. I was definitely hurt and scared after it happened, but I was seven years old, so I didn’t really understand what was going on. I’ve heard my father’s version of why you left, and I’ve heard my grandparents version, but I love hearing your story of not why you left, but where you wanted to go and who you wanted to be.
Throughout my teenage years and my early adult years I wanted to have a bunch of children that I would love and take care of. As soon as my son Kyle was born, I was terrified. I had brought this human being into the world and the weight of all of that was like a ton of bricks on my heart. Within six weeks of him being born I went and had a vasectomy. I was done. So I completely understand the weight that you must have felt when I was born. Plus you had the pressure of my two brothers as well—I can’t imagine. They stress me out regularly as well. I just want you to know that I get what you were going through.
I love to hear that you were able to follow your career dreams. That makes me so happy that you got to work in the fashion industry during those years. It sounds so exciting and glamorous. All those people you got to meet and rub elbows with movie stars, politicians, and more! WOW!! I was looking at some of the pictures from the 1980s and it looks like you had an amazing time. It means a lot to me to know that you got to follow your dreams. Now that I am an adult I better understand how controlling my father can be, and I think you made the right decision to follow your heart. No, it isn’t selfish. I am a little envious of your experiences and would have loved to see you more, but it makes me so happy that you had the confidence to set out on your own.
What made the difference for me was that you had found a home for us in “The Village” alternative housing project. It is something I don’t think father could have done on his own, and I don’t think he could have raised us without the help of the community. No, to be honest, he didn’t raise us, the community did. If we had ended up buying a house as father wanted, I don’t think we would have had the support and resources that we did. The community had everything. We always had people looking out for us, and always had a place to go even when father was busy working or doing whatever he was doing. The Village raised us. There was always something to do for fun or learning. There was always food and people to take care of us. I don’t remember ever going without when it came to food, clothing, and love. You did good choosing this place for us to live before you left.
When I was a teenager I was a little angry because I felt like my friends who had both parents in their home were better off, but now that I am an adult I realize that I actually had it better. I don’t think two parents staying together for the kids always equals positive outcomes for both parents and the kids. I feel like I am stronger and better adjusted than my friends I grew up with. I was just exposed to more. Maybe you can help me keep that going and show me around the big city sometime. I don’t need to stay with you, but I’d like to be able to see the city through your eyes. I have only been once and it was overwhelming. Hearing your stories makes me want to go back and experience as you see it. It sounds beautiful.
You should not be sorry for anything. You should be very proud of the decision you have made. You are still my mother, no matter the distance between us. You brought me into this world and raised me for the most formative years of my life—I remember them fondly, and love that all my earliest memories involve you. You were meant for more than just being a parent. You are a mother and you are a super successful fashion designer and professional. You got to follow your dreams and live your life, but also gave me life. You resisted the pressure from society and from my father to be something that you are not. I do not see any reason that a woman should be burdened with anything more or less than what the father of her children should be burdened with. I also think that the mother and father of any child should be assisted by the community they live in, and children are everyone’s responsibility.
