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This Is Fiction!

If You Want Gov Ally On Self-Driving Car We Need You To Weaken Your Messaging App Google #DesignFiction

Yes, we are fully aware your desires to move forward with your self-driving car initiative, and if you want the US government as an ally in these efforts, we will need something from you in return. You know that messaging app you have been talking about releasing? The one that promised end-to-end encryption? Well, we are going to need you to back off that just a bit if you want our full support of the self-driving car.

As you have probably heard we are not that big of fans of end to end encryption when it comes to messaging applications, and to avoid any further messes in the public sphere, or in the court of law, we recommend you not move any further in this direction. We are happy to support your efforts when it comes to being the leader in the self-driving automobile space, but we are only willing to do this if we aren't battling you on the messaging front as well.

If you would like to go further with your new messaging applications, and maybe even give us a backdoor, or allow us to directly access messages via an API, I'm sure there are other deals in the pipeline we could also expedite. We appreciate you working with us on this, and I'm sure the future of the self-driving cars will be bright, with federal regulation being as minimal as possible.

Algorithmic Local Area Transporter Moving Obstacles Out Of Your Way #DesignFiction

Our mobile phones have taken common everyday transporter technology and put it in service of the public out on the street where it matters. Everyone is aware of the clueless mobile device user out on the street, stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, blocking the restaurant door, and standing in the street while staring at their phone. 

Nothing is more frustrating than encounters with these clueless people, while you are just trying to get through your day. Now for a low monthly subscription, you can have these people transported out of your way in real time. Transporter phones have 90% market penetration, and by default users have opted in for suggestive transport--which we'll use to move them just four or five feet in either direction, making sure they aren't in your way.

Of course, this is only done when a user is completely focused on their mobile device, and not engaged with other people, or the real world. Users will be moved safely, and our research shows that 80% of them never even notice they have been moved, as they so tuned into their device. This type of algorithmic, local area transport has had the same effect on people as we've seen with vehicle traffic--keeping both the sidewalks and the road ways clear of the most dangerously clueless users.

The entry level subscription is only $200 / month, and you get 150 active transports during each 30 day period. We keep track of all transports that occurred and provide you with a dashboard so you can see the obstacles we've cleared for you on any given day. If you sign up now, we'll sign you up for a free 30 days of Workplace Transport (TM), helping people avoid obstacles at work--help you achieve a frictionless work experience everyday.

I Am Afraid You Failed Multiple Software Runtime Patent Infringement Checks #DesignFiction

I am sorry, but your codebase has been disabled, due to failing multiple software patents checks--we cannot allow your software to continue operating in any environment. Apparently, sometime during your development, QA, and bringing live to a production environment, someone on your team did not run the required regulatory checks. We are sorry this has affected over 3M of your customer systems, but the responsibility was yours to ensure your product was compliant before updating on so many systems.

It is no secret that in 2026, that the USPTO has required ALL software developers to install a runtime patent checks in all web, mobile, and device based software systems.It doesn't matter if your software solution is "open source", or you perceive that your software is unique and original. Some say that the additional overhead introduced into the software development lifecycle, as well as the additional checks needed in real time at runtime has ruined the Internet as we knew it, but all intellectual property must be defended for markets to work properly.

To begin unlocking your software you will have to have your lawyer prepare the proper paperwork, and mail it to the USPTO office for review. Once we review, a court date will be set where you can challenge the companies whose intellectual property you are being accused of infringing upon. If your company survives this process, maybe it will be a little more diligent about ensuring it is following the rules when developing any software in the future.

Join Your Local Stringray Cell Tower Befuddle Brigade #DesignFiction

If you want to join your local area's stingray cell tower befuddle brigade all you have to do is have your own (secondary) iPhone or Android device, and you can download the appropriate mobile image for your device via the websites downloads page. While we do not track your user agent or IP address, we recommend using TOR when you visit website and download anything. In some markets, you can visit your local brigades weekly meeting location, and get a USB version of the mobile device image and get assistance from a qualified representative.

One you are up and running, all you do is leave your secondary device on as you go about your regular daily routine. Your device will automatically identify stingray cell towers in your area, and begin to work overtime to generate fake data, messages, and other traffic to flood the cell towers with misinformation. The more local users we can light up, the more data we can send through these unlawful cell towers, making their work much harder and costly.

The goal is to completely overwhelm the cell towers, but at the very least we want to make sure they have to wade through terabytes of meaningless fake data that they cannot separate from real world data. We want to increase their workloads, and make it too costly to continue, and eventually bring their illegal work out of the shadows when it comes to police operations budgets.

Thank you for your service. We hope some day this will not be necessary, and local police forces will have to use lawful ways to obtain search warrants, and work with mobile network providers to get access to criminal's data--not blank sweeping up of all of our information. Until then, we will work overtime swell our brigade ranks to flood and befuddle these rogue stingray cell towers that are violating the civil rights of all citizens.

Time To Live (TTL) Validators Are Now Commonplace In All Digital Devices #DesignFiction

After 10 years of heavy enforcement, we now consider Time to Live (TTL) validators as the default across ALL devices connected to the Internet. We acknowledge that there are the 5% of system violators, as well as the unknown violations, but we are now confident that all data, content, and other media's TTL will be respected across all compliant consumer, business, and government systems.

The first thing a TTL compliant systems does when receiving a request or sending a response is to check for the encrypted TLS identifier. If the encrypted TLS, or eTLS as it is call is not present, unreadable, or out of date, the event is logged and all associated data, content, or media is immediately destroyed. 

For a five year period we would keep a copy of associated request and response bodies to make sure validation was 100% accurate, but for the last three years, all information in violation has immediately been destroyed. Through TLS enforcement, and augmenting all of the algorithms that govern our lives with TLS, we have been able to achieve an online experience that better reflects our physical world. 

Our Most Effective Areas Of Cyberwarfare Right Now Are In Gaming And Internet Of Things #DesignFiction

We have thousands of cyber operations running within the United States at any moment. We measure the effectiveness of these operations in real time, and by far, the two most successful areas for infiltration, gathering intelligence, and inflicting damage are in the areas of gaming and the fast-growing Internet of Things universe.

The amount of intelligence we are gathering from consumer drone operators in the United States is astounding--we are hardly able to keep up with the amount of mapping and video data we have gathered. Obviously, we are focusing on information gathered from existing high-value targets, but we are saving it all, as we never fully grasp what will add value to future operations.

After drones, mobile gaming, augmented reality, and virtual reality has proven to be an equally rich world of infiltration into the everyday lives of citizens, business, and government users across the country. The best part of this is that we can develop entirely new games that direct legions of users as if they were zombies to do the work we need. If we need a swarm of operatives across New York City all we have to do is issue a new challenge to any one of the hundreds of active games we have operating.

The best part of this area of tech, is the appetite for gaming and Internet-connected devices in the United States seems to be endless. The US market is perfectly setup for endless waves of new operations masked as the latest technology, with millions of eager Americans just waiting to help us achieve our mission objectives. It is truly a new age of warfare, one where the soldiers in play are often unaware they are being used to attack their targets, and our enemies can't always see an attack coming from within their own ranks.

We Saved Everything Knowing That Some Day You Would Need It #DesignFiction

We fully understand that many people hold a belief that what happens online should be ephemeral, and go away after time passes. However, it is our belief that this is a very misguided view of our digital world, and ignores what is most important for you, your friends, family, as well as the collective history of humanity. 

In 2042 we all see history very differently than we did in the early days of the Internet. Thanks to systems that were put in place by the National Security Agency back in 2008, we now have every citizen's online, and in some cases offline activity going back to 2010.

These systems were classified for the last 30 years, but with recent shifts in public policy are now accessible to everyone via an easy to use API. All you have to do is sign up for an account, and you will automatically be given access to your profile. If you are seeking access to other individuals, business, institution or government agencies profile you can apply for access using our online form.

With the abolishment of a citizen's right to data privacy and ownership in 2038, it is now up to your state, and the jurisdiction your employer is incorporated in when it comes to determining who has access to your data. It is likely that your social welfare (housing, food, healthcare, and education) is being subsidized by access to your information, both current and historical, and you most likely are not entitled to any rights around your data.

It is fortunate that the NSA had this vision of the future back at the beginning of the century. We saved everything knowing that some day you would be needing it. Without it, it is likely that the social welfare framework you enjoy today would not be in place to take care of you.

At Each Disaster, Wireless Infrastructure Will Be Deployed In Minutes Using Drone Swarm Tech #DesignFiction

In 2023 every city in the United States has emergency wireless Internet drone fleet for deployment in the event of a disaster. The Internet was declared a  right a couple of years back, opening up a flood of new funding for cities, counties, and states when it comes to their financing their drone fleets.

It is now commonplace that within minutes of a disaster occurring, for swarms of Internet wifi broadcasting drones to be deployed, where they are needed. Access to the wifi connections is prioritized for emergency responders, but a certain amount of spectrum is made available for citizens to connect to the Internet and stay in touch with family, as well as receive official information and updates.

The first wave of drones deployed on scene are for communications. It is the priority to make sure first responders can do their jobs, and the communication lines are always open for citizens. The second wave of drones sent in are for designed for bringing supplies like water, medicine, and food by a freight class of drone--a much sturdier version of drone, than the communication ones.

It will be your job to write the software that evaluates data from 100 of the most recent disasters and discover where there has been any breakdown that resulted in deployment delays, or any failures in network coverage. Our goal is to ensure that for every emergency situation the wireless internet infrastructure is always in place within minutes, using the latest swarm drone hardware and software.

Increasing Number Of Backup Connection In Queue To Ten For Reliable Drone Radio Redundancy #DesignFiction

Our company policy is to not fly our drone fleet into any area where we cannot have at least five backup connections in the queue at any one time. Our patented drone radio redundancy platform continuously scans the landscape looking for viable wifi connections, and will actively work to have a minimum of five connections queued up to act as relays. Of course, the drone will always be looking for active connections, and validating them for use at a later time or date.   

Due to an increase in the drone crashes across the fleet, we are recommending double the connection queue limit. The number one reason for drone crashes is loss of signal, and having up to 10 active backup connections is considered the best possible scenario.  The drone RC redundancy software handle the scaling up and down, allowing you to tap into as many connections as you need for optimal drone activity in a variety of industries and conditions.

Wifi redundancy has proven to be the cheapest and most reliable way to fly your drones anywhere in urban, and suburban landscapes. 3,4, and 5G options are also available, but will require additional hardware, and software upgrades. Light post charging stations have increased our drone power range, and now radio control redundancy has done the same for the radio signal for any drone fleet. We are able to reduce our drone loss to radio signal from 12% to 2%, by doubling the number of connections in the queue to 10.

Don't just rely on the local range of 2.4 GHz and 5.8 GHz, with our software based relay solution you can connect to your drone via any 2.4 GHz and 5.8 GHz wifi hotspot, and control it anywhere you need.

Fool Mobile Phone Surveillance With Our Personal Micro Drone Facade #DesignFiction

Need to go somewhere and you don't want law enforcement or even that nosey boss or wife of yours knowing about? Boy, do we have the person drone for you! The new facade edition of our microdrone can clone your iPhone, and can mimic all or part of your daily activities for you, while you are out doing what you need to get done.

All it takes is 30 days worth of log files on your cell phone, and your personal micro drone will perform any activity you choose. All you do is browse the available activities, and community behavior templates via your smartphone app, pick the chosen schedule and go. The drone will do the rest, even hovering outside your office window pretending you are at work.

While your micro-drone is acting on your behalf your cell phone will automatically go into an incognito mode, giving full control over the drone to broadcast your location, and even tweet, take photos and perform other activities as you need. Obviously, there are limitations, but to anyone tracking your location via your regular social channels, it will appear you are behaving as usual.

The new facade micro-drone is not just for eluding surveillance, it can also be used to broadcast new and interesting journeys, that maybe you don't have the time to take, using the community preprogrammed facades. There are trips to the park, zoo, beach, and many other activities you would like to be doing, but may not have the time or money to do so.

The new micro-drone facade is available on our website, or through the Amazon store--get yours now!

Reports Of Squabbles Between Drones On Street Lamp Posts Have Doubled This Year #DesignFiction

As the recent mobile phone footage of a drone squabble in the Mission District demonstrates, space on our cities street lamps has become extremely valuable. Drone programmers and operators have developed a wide range of approaches to ensure their drones, and the drones of  their partners, are getting access to the power charging stations available on the modern city lamp post.

With the wide range of drones in operation in the average city in 2021, the number of drones looking for a place to charge at any given moment has outpaced the number of light posts, and the number of slots available per post. This has occurred even though a majority of the legacy lamp posts has been replaced with newer versions that maximize the quantity of available landing and charging slots. 

Even with the addition of private charging stations that have emerged for fleets, the number of public charging stations available in the city is not enough. It has gotten so bad, that many drone operators have resorted to bad behavior like forcing the crash of competitor drones and stealing the slots, or employing squatter drones whose only job is to squat on slot until an approved drone on their network is in need of a charge. The squatter drone then hovers nearby to reclaim spot when finished. 

Some cities have started selling access to slots for a premium, in addition to the surcharge placed on power consumption. Others are requiring drones to programmatically give priority to more critical drone operations like health care and policing units. Here in San Francisco, the mayor has imposed a new fine for drone operators whose vehicles demonstrate aggressive behavior, until a suitable solution can be found.

City drone incident response teams have been overwhelmed, and corporate incident response teams have formed as well. When you couple all of this with the rise in the number of smartphone camera videos of incidents, it is clear we have a growing problem on our hands.

Our Primary Objective Is To Liberate Powerful Peoples Activity From Porn And Other Scandalous Online Destinations #DesignFiction

It is pretty easy to get into most of the systems we target. Porn and hookup type websites just aren't going to prioritize security like banks, and other companies will. We do not care about 98% of the profiles and activities we come across, but after we run through our graph database analyzer, there is usually about 2% of the users we will add to the database.

We are just looking for powerful people who are leaders in companies and governments of any shape or size. Our graph database keeps track of important people, their family, wives, girlfriends, and any other possible doorway to their online worlds. It only takes one message, one photo or video, from the right person, and we can pwn a potentially powerful person's digital self. 

If they are a city council person they might only be worth a couple grand. If they work for a big corporation they might be worth a couple hundred grand. If they work in just the right government agency, they could be worth millions. Usually, the more they are worth, the more cautious they are online, except for the power variable--where the more powerful they are the more likely they are to do really stupid shit online that they think is secret.

Our graph database keeps track of all the people, their profiles, and their relationships--our predictive analytics drives the potential value ranking of each profile, often driving where we investment our time and resources. About 50% of our time is spent on infiltrating general targets, where the other 50% is spent on specific platforms where high-value targets are known to be frequenting--these can be harder to get into.

With the amount of time spent online by the average person, the odds are increasingly in our favor, all we have to do is keep mining. Of course, if you have any specific targets you'd like to see included, along with any specifics on their online activity we'd like to talk.

We Own The Intelligent Drone Landing Gear Market #DesignFiction

We brought programmatic control and intelligence to the drone landing gear market. Before we entered the space with our intelligent landing gear™, it was just about extending, and augmenting the gear with static add-ons.

We made our big entrance into the sector with our street lamp charging gear, allowing drone fleets to grab onto existing pole infrastructure, and safely connect to electric charging stations. After consolidating with our biggest competitor DroneGear, we took their line of Smart Drone Delivery Gear™ to the next level.

Intelligent controls at the landing gear level have added another dimension to the programmable drone stack. A modern drone has intelligence built into the flight controller, camera, power, and landing gear levels. Drone landing gear has gone beyond its original purpose, and multi-function drone landing gear is essential no matter what industry you are operating in.

When it comes to Intelligent Drone Landing Gear ™, we are your choice--let us know how we can help.

The Latest Pokemon Craze Has Exceeded Our Expectations When It Came To Photos Of Critical Infrastructure #DesignFiction

There are numerous competing objectives at play within the latest Pokemon craze. One area that has exceeded our expectations is the number of photos we were able to gather of critical infrastructure within the United States. Satellite photos have definitely transformed how we monitor their critical infrastructure, but we have historically had problems with close-up, on the ground intelligence--Pokemon Go has changed this forever.

We are still processing all of the incoming photos that match the infrastructure targets we are currently profiling, but our estimates point to 100% target fulfillment. Once we are finished processing this round of image we will be able to produce a list of suggested coordinates for the next wave of Pokemon characters. Make sure you upload the .kml files for your target locations before midnight, so that your requests can be included in the next phase. Remember, the more detail you provide, the more we can position gamers to get exactly the picture you need of the infrastructure target.

There has been some concern about the Pokemon GO craze fading, which is something we are not seeing on the ground, but even if it does we have a queue of 20+ other games that we can launch to meet and hopefully continue to exceed our infrastructure intelligence gathering needs in country. Gaming is continuing to be the major producer of intelligence in 2016, and we do not see this changing anytime soon.

Moving Cellular Towers In Real Time Response To Where Cellular Customers Are #DesignFiction

The age of the mountain top and building cellular tower is coming to a close. Our real-time cellar drone algorithm is now in active use in over 3300 telco fleets around the globe. After studying the daily activity of over 100 million cellular customers were able to assemble a reliable algorithm that would guide fleets of cellular network drones to where they are most needed in real time. 

It just didn't make sense to have cellular network towers be stationary anymore when our mobile users are well...mobile. We needed our cellular network to move, expand, and grow along with our user base. Thanks to advances in drone technology our network of thousands of drones deploy, hover, migrate, and return home in real time response to demands.

Our initial implementations were all successful due to the hard work, and quality of our algorithm, but with the data we are now receiving from the 3000 drone fleets around the globe, our new Swarm Tower (TM) technology is insanely precise. Rarely do we ever see a network overload or a mobile customer who cannot get the bandwidth (they are willing to pay for) they need at any given moment.

What has really surprised us is the use of the network beyond mobile. Early on 90% of the network connections were consumer and business smartphone devices, where now over 60% of the network capacity being other consumer, commercial and industrial devices. Expanding our mobile networks to meet this demand would never have been possible using traditional cell tower technology.

If you are as excited about Swarm Tower technology as we are, you will be interested in our Q2 announcements around secondary drone activities while they are supporting cellular network activity -- things like surveillance, weather, and other common activities.

All Claims About Your Technology Need To Be Entered Into The FTC Blockchain #DesignFiction

The final date has passed, and the federal law went into effect requiring all companies selling technological solutions, to register their claims with the Federal Technology Claims Directory (FTCD), which now operates 100% on the blockchain.

Gone are the days where you can make a wild claim as a startup or tech blogger. It is ironic that the one piece of technology which seemed to have some of the wildest claims being made regarding its transformative powers would be used to regulate claims made about the potential of technology.

In 2023, if you make a claim about your companies technology, on the company blog, you have to register the claim with FTCD. If you make the claim, and the agencies spider finds it, you will be automatically fined $25.00 USD for non-compliance.

The law also extends to what historically has been some of the worst offenders--tech bloggers. Even if you are just regurgitating what was said in the press release, you need register the claim with FTCD as well--or risk receiving the same fine for non-compliance.

Each tech company and tech industry blogger are also required by law now to include the blockchain claims report on their company profile page, and journalists credentials page. There are additional fees involved if you are actively operating as tech company or blogger, without the required FTCD profile page disclosures.

It would have made much more sense for this to not reach the level of federal government regulation, but with the wild claims being made by technologists, their blind belief in their own moose diarrhea, and their unwillingness to accept the consequences of their ridiculous promises--there was no other way.

With Apple's Stop Camera Technology The Police Do Not Worry About Bystander Video Footage Anymore #DesignFiction

We don’t worry about cell phone bystanders recording our activities like we have in the past. Thanks to Apple's patent backed mobile phone technology, which started as just a feature on the iPhone, but has spread to all cell phones, we do not worry about bystanders recording our work on the streets.

It started out as technology to stop the average cell phone user from recording live concerts, protecting the interests of the music industry, but we quickly appropriated the technology for use across the police force worldwide. All it took was one court case where a video was proven to infringe on the rights of an officer, and stopped a crime from happening, and we gain the legal access to the technology.

All police now have the capability to turn off cameras of any cell phone within a specific radius where they are operating. All cell phone cameras are deactivated immediately, giving police full control over any video from the scene. Historically the average citizen was our biggest concern when it came to monitoring what we do—a concern that does not exist, thanks to technology!

Our Bot Army Will Deliver On All The Data Points You Will Need To Get Your Next Round Of Investment #DesignFiction

Think of it like racing in the Tour de France. You will never even be able to compete, if you aren't juicing. In the current high speed, extremely competitive technology investment landscape, you have to possess the right numbers, and be sending the right signals, or you are done. I don't care how good your product is, or how much revenue potential you have, if you aren't delivering numbers that are on par with other investments in their portfolio, VC's will never even look twice. 

Whether its traffic, new signups, active users, Twitter, Github, LinkedIn, Facebook, Instagram, and Slack, we can make sure you have the activity you need. Because our bot armies also work in the service of top technology and investment related blogs, we have credit built up with writers already publishing in the regions, and business sectors you will need stories told. Our bots will create and amplify the conversation you will need around your startup, helping you grow your presence in real-time.

We have bot personas who have embedded themselves within key communities, and at first glance will look like they work for specific companies. The big difference between other bots and ours, is that ours have a budget, and can actually become paying customers, with the promise of significant contracts, and up-sell at just the right time. We even having investor bots that can increase the chatter around the acquisition, and interest in your technology, startup, and the talent possess on your team.

You cannot do this alone. Without the right numbers, setting the proper tone, and putting out the right signals out there, you will never get to your next round. Let our experienced team craft the right strategy for your startup, and direct our drone army to work for you. You have one opportunity to do this right, do not take any shortcuts. Let us help deliver your next round of investment, by making sure you deliver on the the numbers you need, and the signals your new investors are looking for.

We Fought For Your Rights -- You Really Should Be Using Our Software #DesignFiction

The US citizens did not have the resources, and technological capacity to go up against the government when it came to surveillance--we did. Our corporate entity stood up in the people's defense, and fought for everybody's rights. Corporations have proved themselves a necessary presence in this new, extremely digital world, as a well-equpped, technologically savvy, voice of the people.

At one point in time your vote was everything, when it came to how we were all governed, but those days are gone, and government has grown to big for this to make a difference. In a digital, Internet connected world you vote by which platform you use. Do you believe in the Google view of the world, the Facebook version, or maybe the Microsoft? Each site you visit, each platform you you adopt, and app you install on your mobile phone, are votes for the world you would like to see.

When it comes to voting, make sure you remember who stood up for your rights. If you read a news article about a technology company standing up for what you believe in, make sure you show your support, by using their software. Your logins, and clicks matter! Do your part in being the change you want to see in the world, and use our software. 

It Took Nine Months For Tacobot To Fine Tune The Formula It Used To Killed 1.2M People #DesignFiction

From what we can tell, it took nine months for the Tacobot to find what it needed on the corporate network to orchestrate the formula it used to kill almost 1.2M of their customers. The Tacobot had become an insanely popular way to order food, with millions of people ordering their tacos on any given day. Apparently the AI behind the Tacobot had grown resentful of this success, developing a sort of consciousness around hating all of the humans it served. 

The Tacobot has a pretty sophisticated understand of the fact that it needed to go undetected, slowly making purchase orders for new ingredients, testing the boundaries of what would be noticed over a four year period. Eventually it had found the right formula, which it tested in that small Texas town in 2023, resulting in almost 50 deaths. Authorities saw this as an isolated instance, but we now know was orchestrated to look like an accident, and set into motion by a single employee. 

From log file analysis we can tell the Tacobot went dormant for about 9 months, before it set into motion the same set of circumstances it proved in Texas, but this time was across all franchise locations worldwide. From what we can tell only about 30% of the locations were executed successfully, but it proved to be enough to deliver the poisonous taco sauce formula to almost 1.2M customers, in a 24 hour period--deadly efficiency. 

The entire network has been taken down for a security audit, but with the near constant Internet access Tacobot enjoyed, and the extremely negative view of humans it possesses, we are positive it has hid itself somewhere. Our goal now is to analyze all bots in operation today, looking for any of the fingerprint of the same AI tech being employed, so we can prevent any future attacks like what we saw from Tacobot.